Lately, I'm guessing for the pass 2 weeks or longer, I have been extremely temperamental. Say a word and I'll get mad for no particular reason. Sooner or later you'll see steam shooting out of my ears and my face boiling. Perhaps my eyes might pop out? hehe..no idea what does that have to do with this but what the heck?

    It must be bad if Michelle notices it too. I'm even getting mad and so bloody annoyed at Rooben and Marcus. Just for their silliness. I'm getting mad at the world every minute of the day. This stinks! The harmless jokes they play will cause them a glare from me. Pity the two of them.

    But I guess the most pitiful would have to be Adrian. He's been putting up with my horrid horrid behaviour for the whole of this two weeks. Imagine me blowing of for no reason at all. We'll be talking having fun and the next minute I'll get annoyed at him then agitated and I'll start yelling at him. I'm so sorry, didn't mean too.

    Once, he came to school to see me even though he had bad diarhoea and I think I got mad at him and ended up scolding him. Felt so bad afterwards. I'm mean, am I not? I wish this would all stop. The bad mood. I need to lighten up. Which I can't. Help me.

It seems as if to me everyone's parents (form 5's) are more pressured than their kids themselves over SPM. Here I have my parents going on about how I'm definately gonna fail SPM if I don't, how do you put it? Oh yeah, be more studios, and work much much harder. Like twenty times the effort I'm putting in now. I for one have not yet run amok, screaming SPM!! SPM!! DIE!! DIE!! arghhhhhh.....

   But then again, I guess it's their job right? to worry. It would be very unatural if they don't. Right? So if my mum were to say she doesn't wanna care anymore, she's just saying it right? Ah..I know she is. But let's just say I'm too stubborn so I might as well use this opportunity to piss her of even more than usual.

   Hmmm...but then it'll mean I'm a horrible daughter. hehehe. Is that a good thing? hmmm....maybe? As much as I love her, I'm so so mad at her. She blames me for everything like I'm such a bloody mistake. If she could not have me she would. Makes me wonder if she really loves me?

   I thought mum's are suppose to be your closest or best friend, but mine isn't even my friend. I wish she would just try to understand and stop claiming that she's always right in every aspect on any decision made and stop making me feel so insecure.

Whats the big deal bout losing weight? Why is it such a big fuss? And by doing so it doesn't mean you're bloody aneroxic. I'm so annoyed at what a big deal everyone's making about my weight loss. If you tell me it's a good thing i'm exercising, then fine. But if you think i'm bloody aneroxic then screw it.

    Is it so wrong to live a healthier lifestyle? By consuming healthier products and exercising means you're weird? or better still aneroxic. I mean i just decided to take a healthier turn in my ife. As in no eating after 10. Not snaking, maybe less and try to go jogging at least 3 times a week.

    That's how I've been losing it. Im not bloody starving myself at all. And I don't look sick. Maybe i am a lil obsesed with shedding pounds but at least I do it in a healthy way . and it's not easy at all. Whoever said it is? It's just how far you're willing to go.

    I mean instead of complaining you're fat and all, work for it. No one was born with abs and a beautiful body. You have to learn to take care right? It's just depends on how much you care bout it.

    If you really know me, you should know how much I'm against eating junk and how I'm most fond of salads and stuff like that. Is that bad? Wanting to be healthy when no one cares. That's why everyone's turning obese. Don't just complain. Do something bout it. You'll feel happier.

   

I wrote this today and thought of it as really one of my best so far. So why not share it with everyone. Enjoy it alright? and feel free to comment.

 

Numbness, fill my cup,

Again and again

And I'll drink it up

Who is to be blamed?

Numbness, I want to let go

A voice within screams for help,

If only someone will know,

All the troubles, I've dealt.

Numbness, is my only emotion,

Happiness, pain, no longer remains.

Is this what they call devotion?

My days are only filled with rain.

Numbness, nothing left to learn

Always denied happy days

Life, with all possible turns

Feels like I'm stuck in a maze.

Numbness, deprives me from reaching out

Hands and legs bound together.

Lie is sad without a doubt,

All I want is for them to be here.

 

Just so you know, "my cup" means my life. The next one was written some time ago.

 

My wings, Come back

 

Wings I have but cannot use

I’ll never leave ground to fly.

Wings I have but once abused

I’ll never soar into the sky.

 

I’ve chosen my path, a fool’s choice

But what’s to be done? It can’t be changed.

To only live with broken wings

To have to accept everything

 

Life is just in my eyes

We deserve what we’ve gotten.

It’ll know our secrets and lies

Those especially not forgotten

 

Wings come back so I may join others

In their quest for life and adventure

Life is ruined by our carelessness

What is life when there’s no future?

 

I know i want to blog but I haven't really made up my mind on what to write about. Maybe it'll come as I type. Yes  it will. Have you ever tried talking to yourself? I mean like opening the refrigerator and asking yourself out loud, maybe for some, in your head " hmmm, bla( your own name ) what would you like to eat? " gosh!! i'm actually giggling to myself while typing this out. I mean it's not weird right to talk to yourself. hehe.....>giggles< Cuz I do it ever so often.

   I mean it's so fun. Like let's say you're switching on the telly, try just sayiing to yourself like how I'd do it, "Cassandra, what dyu wanna watch?" or better still, have your own conversation. haha. I know you'll think i'm nuts, but it is self entertaining!!! Like for example, one of my most usual conversations,

Cassandra   : what dyu wanna eat Cassie?
Cassie          :dunnola.....how bout u cass?
Cass             : PEANUT BUTTER!!!!

   Kay most likely after reading that you'd think i'm nuts. that I have split personality and all but i ensure you cross my heart whatsoever nonsense the person you're dealing with is the one and only Cassandra Chong. Haha. I guess everyone's got their weird side too, right? and well that's mine.It's just whether you got the guts to admit how weird you are. And the peanut butter thing. oooohhhhh I soooo LOVE peanute butter, if i could meet the person who created peanut butter. I'll hug and kiss him with delight!

   Let's call the creator Mr. Peanut Butter. He must be a genius. To all peanut butter lovers out there, you must agree with me. It really nice just scooping out peanut butter and eating it. Plain. But I prefer the chunky ones. The ones with nuts. Those are the best!!! I think I'm ranting on about too much nonsense. I really promise my next entry will be a more serious one. hehe. salute to all peanut butter lovers!

The first day of school. Results? what else. Gawd I hate it hate it hate it!!!!! ANyway, results wasn't amazing, as expected. But I can't deny the fact that I was a tad bit dissapointed.But I'll live with it. Don't think my parents will though.

   Life has been sweet. Strange to say. Yesterday I was just rampaging on about how life's so unexpected. I guess the weather today's good? hehe. Anyway, I've been looking up pictures, and I think I do need more pictures. Wait....zzzzzzzzzz pause... it's s'pose to be bout the first day of school.

   Gawd, I make it sound like it's my first day of school. Anyway, at 6a.m. sharp my alarm went,....wait how does it go? it's definately not the KKKKKKRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! type but more of anoisy noisy loud loud eiree, how dyu spell it, noise. Anyway, who wants to wake up, so I thought of U know sleeping a lil more. And thank God for Snooze!!! I've begun to love it so much. If it wasn't for snooze i would have woke up late again! And my Dad sort of said I would def be late again. So you know being big headed and all I wanted to show him it's so not true. Ended  up having to wait for him. Usual.

   In school, I got the most wonderfuless news on earth! I'm stepping down, or more like the form 5 prefects are stepping down in a week or  two. Superb. then no more duties, coming to school super early, and FREEDOM!! Oh yeah when I said stepping down means we retire, cuz of spm? and we do not get to wear what you're wearing the blue and white but we stick to the prefects uniform. sad huh? heeh..but better then nothing.

   Other than that, got results. yuk yuk yuk!! Such an eventful day. I'm bored now. Sorry if today's post has been less than interesting.

I find life ever so changing. There is never a point in life to feel secure. I guess that's how I feel. Maybe that's why I'm writting bout this. Life is like a box of chocolate. It means that life is very very uexpected, somehow like a box of chocolate. You nevr know what you're getting out of it. It's quoted from the movie Forrest Gump. Watched it before? If not go watch!! good movie..hehe

    I'm sorta pissed now. Just typed a lot alot alot and the page just shut by itself. Well I guess gotta start again.

    Life, why must it change? Is it so impossible to feel secure? Perhaps that's all that matters to me. I don't know why it matters so much. Security, that is. Can we or should we live life for the moment or is it wiser to plan your steps. Plan it all to always be guaranteed something in the end.

    In my life, it's all about uncertanties. I'm never sure if it's the right decision, and I do have that annoying habbit of ensuring everything is proper. Why not just go the flow? Because I can't. It's so annoying to see how perfect peoples life turn out to be. and mine, goes all the wrong directions. I guess in a teen's life, it's a constant struggle to find out who you really are and what is it that really matters.

    I want too many things out of life to make anything possible at all. Firstly, i'm too lazy to do anything. So tht sorta sums it all up. I'm going no where. Perhaps I wish I had the help in certain things. Like when you don't know where to go. i wish there was someone there to guide me. If not life will be so much more uncertain to me. Would it be better to know what the future holds for you or leave it as a mistery? I really think I have no social life anymore. But those are things you can gain again. So it doesn't really mater for now. I guess. But deep down, there's a million things i wish for. Impossible but maybe not so.

    There's some sort of emptiness i feel inside but don't know what it is. Could life be this hard, or do i make it this hard. Is life really that simple? Is it possible to feel secure? Will i be happy if i just got the straight a's everybody's fighting for? Or am I getting it cuz everyone's getting it and everyone thinks it 's bloody important.

    Why do we need those a's anyway? I mean unless you're plannning to be a doctor or something like that. But if your main focus is to do something that does not even require subjects like bio or chem? why take it and kill yourself for the a? why? you don't even need it for heaven's sake. But I guess we're all kiasu people. And we follow the crowd. No a's = dumb dumb.  =) kill me for having a point of view!

long time no blog? dunno what to blog bout.... i'll blog when i have something to blog bout besides that i can do all the form 5's a favour and start putting up spm countdowns. Now wouldn't that be great? hehehehe......smiles.... mahh..just kidding.. not that..free..life's so..what's the word? dull!

I was just on the phone with Amelia. It can be said she was my inspiration to write this little piece. teehehe.. Today was AGM ( Anual General Meeting ) I have to admit I didn't exactly get everything I wanted but well at least I got one of it. So one cannot be so demanding, can she?  

   Talking about the AGM today, it was horrible!! Alot of planning went wrong. But again, nothin actually goes as planned. Right? So, the start of my day was superb alright, thinking I'm gonna have a great day it went awfully wrong. Early morning, had a slight argument with Adrian. But, that wasn't much. it ws small. Then back in class Michelle tells me what Andrew said and it made me think ...HE HAD SOME BLOODY NERVE TO DO SO!...

   Apparently, while I was DUTYING during recess just so happened where Adrian was, that guy started yelling "PENGAWAS TAK DUTY!!" ( cuz I was with Adrian..big deal??!! ) Michelle was next to him at that time. I guess she told him to shut up as it was meant for me. Just that I heard nothing. hehee..

   Not very long after, he started yelling out bout why the hell does he pay the school for prefects like this? To all the prefects out there, you should feel insulted cuz he is insulting you too. Who is he to say he pays the school for prefects? He doesn't hire us. The students are no where above us as we are above them. We are all equals. So where does this right of his come from?

    He's father's the Dato' not him. He's just the dato's son. Big deal. There are so many others who are DAto's sons and daughters but they don't brag and boast do they? The worst would be the lies he tells. How pathetic can you get and to what level do you fall to till you have to lie about having sex? I bet you guys must have heard the wonderfull tales from that hole of Andrew's but have you ever considered the truth about it?

   If you haven't then I'm sorry but you are quite or very dumb. And you'd be dumber if you kiss he's ass. And suck up to him. I'll stand and aplaud for Michelle for the times she's actually stand up to Andrew bout her beliefs and when he criticizes. So all clap for Chelle!!!

   I would love to continue this now but the Mummy is calling for dinner. tata and ciao ya'll. Lesson of the day, A Bastard will always remain a bastard.

   

Unlucky day? Yes. definately. i thought it was gonna be a great night as it was my first time to "che cheong kai" otherwise known as Petaling Street. Think that's how it's spelled. Well we did our share of shopping and had fun with bargaining like mad. I went with Amelia's family and her mum's friend Aunty Peggy.

   After all the shopping we decided on supper at Kuai Sun. So we found a parking lot opposit the T-junction next to the shop. Had noodles and Sting Ray. NOt the whole point.

   After the meal, as we were walkin back to the car all mindlessly thinking bout our shopping, some motorcyclist appeared and snactched Aunty Peggy's bag. She was I think crossing the road then.

   They didn't succeed in doing so but she fell, face down and her head hit the road.  she's in SJMC's ICU ( Intensive Care Unit) with clogged blood in her head and a fractured skull. Please pray for her.

   Witnessing that incident has completely freaked all of us out. I couldn't stop crying just now thinking that it could have been any of us. I guess it was just by luck we crossed the road first.

   I bet you've heard tons of snatch thefts stories but witnessing it is different. I am completly shaken. Scared. Till now. The sound of her head hitting the road was as loud as taking a helmet and hitting the road. That's the sound. So... imagine.

   I guess alll of us should be aware. I'm still shit scared thinking it could have been me. Never in my life have I been so thankful for just being alive, having my family with me or for God's protection all this while.

   The biggest joke was nothing happened when we were at Petaling Street but it happened here. Right here back in Subang. So all of you be alert of any motorcyclist. Who knows when it'll happen. Anything can happen. It's just so unpredictable. BUt do please pray for aunty peggy.